The Look

I'm watching a documentary about a girl who needed a lung transplant in order to survive the damage done by cystic fibrosis to her own ones. The story ends (thankfully) happily, with a transplant done in the nick of time, with the girl marrying her steadfast partner. Those who know me would know that I was holding my breath all throughout the show, crossing and uncrossing my fingers. The last scene, filmed 10 weeks after the loving couple's wedding, seven weeks after her successful operation. She was walking in the park with her husband and dog, and after some exercise, she leaned into her husband for a hug. She then explained how they used to kiss before - how it would be a short experience, always with their mouths closed, because she could not draw enough breath in for anything longer or more passionate. The husband then teased her, "I guess I don't take your breath away any more" to which she then replied, with a cheeky smile, "Not any more."

While that comment might have sounded harsh, it was the look they gave each other during this exchange that made it quite clear that, for this couple, breathlessness caused by the other still happens, and will continue to happen quite often. It was The Look, the one where the eyes interlock, smile secretly about something no one else outside that look will understand. The one where even blinking can't ruin the moment, the one where a kiss at the end is inevitable.

I've seen that look replicated lots of times, sometimes successfully, sometimes in vain. Sometimes in real life, sometimes in the celluloid world. The best times to catch The Look is by surprise, when both parties involved are at their most unguarded. It is something that requires spontaneity, real feelings, and a willingness to let oneself go.

Maybe 'tis the season, but I am definitely feeling very sentimental, and I do wish everyone, in addition to future Christmas wishes, a lot of those Looks. I wish that all of you will be on the giving as well as the receiving end. This is one of those gifts that definitely works both ways!

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If I knew how short our time would be together, I would have held you tighter. Like it was physically impossible for me to let go. As if letting go meant never feeling the warmth of the sun, as if letting go meant never seeing how the skies change colour when it rises or set, as if letting go meant letting go of all the colour in the world.

If I knew how seldom we would see each other, I would have kissed you longer. I would have put my lips to your cheek and kept it there until you laughingly pushed me away. I would have laughed back with less abandon and done it all over again. Just to see you smile, just to see you enjoy it, just to see you squirm playfully. You have no idea how bright your eyes are, or how much you tell me with just one look. I wish the last time we saw each other, that your eyes didn't have to say good-bye.

If I knew it would be this hard to make it without you constantly by my side... If I knew - if I only knew.

Miss my family and friends back home!

Long Time No Write

Dear Blog,

I'm sorry I haven't written in so long, but things have changed quite a bit since the last time I touched base with you. How about if I gave you a quick run-down and you can let me know if you need more details on any one point, all right?

1) I started writing a story based on an idea I had while we were in Venice (one whole entry on this later). While I thought I could write during the days Sophie was in baby Kindergarten, it seems the inspiration comes only at night. Of course I should have known, as I can only write to you close to midnight!

2) I am also teaching Business English classes to companies in Frankfurt. So far I am doing two group classes a week, with hopefully more to come. It is quite interesting being on the other end of the language spectrum for a change, and surprisingly, it has encouraged me to speak more German. After all, if I tell my students that there is no harm in trying and we can only learn from our mistakes, what would I be if I did not follow my own advice?

3) I restarted German classes with some close friends and am starting to enjoy learning the language. Call me crazy, but third time's the charm because the first intensive course was draining, the second morning classes were a nightmare. This time around we engage in normal, everyday conversations that really help us get in touch with the nuances of the language.

4) I've also established a new household routine that do not involve weekly laundry pile-ups. I am actually looking forward to using our new iron and ironing board, but this might have to wait until we get back from another trip, this time to Manila and Boracay.

More on me later - suffice to say, I missed you! I promise not to be a stranger this long ever again!

Love,
Julie

Oktoberfest - a Fest by Any Other Name...

For someone unable to hold much liquor without toppling over like Lindsay Lohan in normal footwear, I didn't think Oktoberfest in Munich was going to be my party time/place of choice. However, once we got there, courtesy of UBS, I was very pleasantly surprised. My only gripe with Oktoberfest was that it doesn't actually occur in the month of October (from the Oktoberfest.de website: the first Oktoberfest was held in the year 1810 in honor of the Bavarian Crown Prince Ludwig's marriage to Princess Therese von Sachsen-Hildburghausen. The festivities began on October 12, 1810 and ended on October 17th with a horse race. In the following years, the celebrations were repeated and, later, the festival was prolonged and moved forward into September to allow for better weather conditions). Nowadays the fest takes place on the last two weekends and weeks of September and ends on the first weekend of October (which, according to the Germans in the know, is actually the best weekend to go). All the other parts, I enjoyed:

1. The tents! These so called "tents" are actually massive beer halls with stage space for live bands. Typical Bavarian food is available, as well as pretzels the side of your head.

2. Tuesdays is actually family day, and there is a family area where specific kids rides are available. While it is hard to bring a baby buggy into one of the drinking tents due to lack of space, especially when it gets crowded later in the night and on weekends, Sophie still got a sneak peek at how grown ups let loose.

3. Germans partying. If karaoke is what breaks down barriers in Japanese culture, Oktoberfest and all it entails (drinking and doing everything while slightly sloshed) is what brings Germans from all over together. It was "du" instead of "Sie" the whole night and camaraderie prevailed when everyone would sing along to famous Schlager songs. Dancing on tables and chairs were mandatory after dinner, and it was a custom to toast everyone as much as possible. Whoever said Germans were unfriendly should head over to the main tent during Oktoberfest and watch the smiles break out.

4. Beer in one litter mugs called Maß (masse), which I needed two hands to lift. Suffice to say I was only capable of finishing 1 and 1/2 of these before I felt my liver explode.

5. Hotel Andra - lovely little hotel tucked away near the main train station. If not for the Oktoberfest, this gem would go unnoticed but, as it is only 5 minutes away from the festivities, it is a quite popular (and friendly!) little place indeed. They were able to provide us with a very nice, competent baby sitter for Sophie, and their family room was HUGE. Modest in terms of furniture and al the other extras (no minibar but with a good selection of drinks in the room nonetheless), they also serve breakfast. Winner!

6. The rides, rides, rides. Everyone knows I LOVE rides and am willing to get my hair do messed up all for the thrill of being dropped, spun and scared out of my wits. The Oktoberfest rides was like a miniature version of Six Flags or Magic Mountain, although the manual-ness of the ghost ride achieved its purpose.

7. Food, glorious food. We had the best pork knuckle, the best pretzels, the best fruit on a stick with chocolate on top (best not to eat the chocolate banana in front of male friends, though). Christian also wanted to buy me one of those cheesy gingerbread cookies with slogans on it that read "Ich liebe dich (I love you)" but I swapped it for something for Sophie instead: "Kleine Princessin (Small Princess)".

Unfortunately we were there for only one night - but it was a crammed-full-of-activities one night. Plus - there is always next year (which have to be planned one year in advance!).

Je T'aime Paris!

When you're down, and troubled, and you need a helping hand - nothing beats a weekend in Paris with your hubby, friends and loved ones and their kids! I experienced this different kind of high last weekend when Christian and I attended Tommaso and Jenny's wedding in Paris which, by all accounts, was a really romantic affair.

Quick background story: Tommaso and I knew each other from way back in 2004, when I started working for Tyco in the audit team. T or Kapo (as I used to call him half-seriously) was this blue-eyed, one man United Nations because he spoke seven languages (English, Spanish, Portugese, German, French and Italian). He was also a troublemaker (in the fun meaning of the word) because him and the other troublemaker guys would make fun of everyone and everything and have a laugh after work. Their motto was work hard and play the hardest, and it was fun to watch and get caught up in it all.

Fast forward to 2011, and here he is, tying the knot in romantic Paris, and we were there to watch it. Firstly, the city itself is a marvellous backdrop for any big event, but it is tailor-made for weddings for sure. A short four hour train ride from Frankfurt and suddenly, we were in another place and time. September was when the leaves started changing colours and the wind got a little bit nippy, but everyone was in high spirits in the church. Tommaso was nervous but excited, and when Jenny walked down the aisle with her father (who was almost losing it), I could feel my own heartbeat through the silence. The priest(ess) made them man and wife, whispered loudly for them to "Go on, kiss!", and shared her wishes for the happy couple. One thing she said made me squeeze my own husband's hand in a sickly sweet gesture of love: "In all the world there is only one Jenny, and one Tommaso, and now you have each other."

At the reception (which was held, in my estimation, in a PALACE), it was good to catch up with everyone from Tyco before. While no one had changed in their personalities as they were all still wonderful, there were some great surprises and changes that we celebrated as well. For one thing, there were marriages, pregnancies, new projects and prospects for everyone. It was like the old crew had gotten an upgrade in terms of work/life balance and everyone was happier because of it. Granted, the free flowing fruit mojitos, yummy food and awesome dancefloor tunes made the scene THE scene. While it was bittersweet hugging everyone goodbye, it was still heartwarming to know that it was more of a "see you next time."

The next day Christian and I met up with Oriol, Ainhoa and their kids, Marc and Alaitz. Another background: Oriol and Ainhoa are the parents we would like to be. Not only are they fun-loving and relaxed, they also raise their children to have good morals and to respect other people. Alaitz and Marc are two of the most charming kids you will ever meet, and they interact with others so well. When I was Alaitz's age I remember being painfully shy and distant to everyone, but she is different. She has a confidence only the security of having loving parents can give - and she is creative with colours and bracelets, and she dances like there is no tomorrow. Spending the day with all of them was a reminder of how good friendships stand the test of time and distance, and the entire weekend was a reminder that love trumps anything, anytime.

Je T'aime!

A Woman's Closet

When women around the world watched the first Sex and the City movie, there were several things they oohed and ahhhed over. How good Mr. Big looked in his suit/s, the dresses worn throughout the film, the high rise apartment, the shoes, the shot of Carrie make-up less and depressed... there was truly something for everyone to love, no matter how short that particular shot was.

For me, the highlight of the movie, among other things, was Carrie's closet in the new apartment. Not the dinky little one that made her initial excitement at the penthouse fade. I mean the new one, the one Big was working on to make her little-girl happy again. The reason is because I think a woman's closet should be that big - not to fit all of her clothes and shoes, but in order to have SOME order for all her clothes and shoes (and let's not forget bags and other accessories).

Let me explain. Not ALL women have more clothes/shoes/scarves/bags/etc that they can wear in their lifetime. However, ALL women have different TYPES of clothes/shoes/scarves/bags/etc - and each of these classifications deserve their own closet/shelf space, so to speak. In no particular order, these classifications include (but are not limited to):

1. Staying Home Alone
2. Staying Home but in case People Drop By
3. Office/ Work Clothes
4. Office/ Work Clothes when after a Promotion
5. Office/ Work Clothes when wanting to lie-low
6. Office/ Work Clothes when wanting to be Fired
7. Going on a First Date
8. Going on a Second Date with someone you like
9. Going on a Second Date with someone you don't
10. Third Dates and onwards
11. Going to the Opera/Play/Musical
12. Going to a Fancy Restaurant
13. Going to a Fancy Club but you still want to be able to Dance
14. Going to a Grunge-y, Anything Goes Club
15. Going to a Friend's House
16. Fat Days
17. Not So Fat But Still Scared of Muffin-ing Out Days
18. Skinny Days
19. In Need of Change Days
20. In Case the Baby Throws Up on Me Days
21. Impressing the (Future) In-Laws
22. Gym on Good Days
23. Gym on Bad Days
24. All You Can Eat Sundays/ Thanksgiving with really Good Friends
25. Christmas Parties
26. Short Supermarket Run
27. Long Supermarket Run (that might include a visit to the mall)
28. Mani/Pedi Outfits
29. Spa Outfits
30. Beach Outfits
31. Pool Outfits
32. Outdoor barbeque
33. Church/ Sunday Best
34. First day of School/ Work
35. Out of Town Work Trips
36. Out of Town with Family Trips
37. Out of Town with Friends
38. High School Reunion
39. Feeling Nostalgic Fashion-wise
40. Feeling Adventurous Fashion-wise

And I am sure other women out there can think of more. In the meantime - here's hoping for not just more closet space, but more closet compartments!

Bring Back Riot-less London

I am writing this after watching an especially shocking looting of the Debenhams store near where we used to live in Clapham Junction. Apart from sadness at the madness, I am feeling outraged - if all these so-called jobless people could spend all this time and energy plotting and pulling off a riot, shouldn't they just put their efforts to better use? Instead of breaking and looting, they could learn to respect other people's properties and hard earned assets and go off and earn some of their own... respect and assets, that is. I am disappointed that this wonderful city, known for its multi-cultural inhabitants and an overall feeling of celebrating differences, is now reduced to midnight madnesses of the violent kind.

Clapham Junction in particular is home to the busiest rail station in Europe, and it is full of commuters who go to and from work on a daily basis. Yes, they grumble and wish they were where the grass is greener at times, but the point is they get out of bed everyday, get dressed decently everyday, and head off to work everyday. They have the discipline and determination to make the best of things, regardless of how bad the financial climate is. The area is also home to a lot of young families and dog lovers, who now have to think twice before they take a stroll through their once peaceful neighborhood. I remember all the lovely shop and cafe owners on St. John's Hill and hope that their businesses do not suffer as they work as hard if not harder than anyone.

I sincerely hope everyone sits up and takes notice, and that the police and other law enforcers are given adequate support in these trying times. I also pray that all my friends and loved ones in London stay safe. Finally, I hope that the looters and rioters reconsider directing their efforts elsewhere, on the inside first perhaps, before they seek to damage what is outside.

Water, Water Everywhere...

So, what a summer. A lot of clouds, a lot of humidity, and a lot of rain. Some say it wasn't that much of a summer, but I would be to disagree. Aside from the weather, what makes a season are the activities you get to do in that season that you wouldn't get to do at any other time of the year. And for me, my family and I were able to do very special things this time of year:

1. Learn how to drive, German style.

2. Let Sophie lose... on hiking trails, in the playground, in the sandpit, in the convalescence home, anywhere really!

3. Swim (true, only for the first half of May) and slide... then swim again!

4. Go on a full Funke family hiking holiday.

5. Celebrate Sophie's 1 year birthday!

6. Barbeque, barbeque, barbeque.

7. Picnic in the park!

8. Steering Warrick away from lots of other dogs in heat.

9. See Sophie walk everywhere, anywhere!

10. Prepare to celebrate Christian's 30th.

So, weather aside, summer was/is still fun! Forget rainy days, remember only that where there is a will, there is a (fun) way.

Warrick Warrick Bobarrik

Warrick played with me like he was a puppy again today. We play-fighted, with me pretending my hand was another dog's mouth (note, do not play this way with large dogs) and we nipped at each other. Being the calm, cool boy that he is, Warrick would always give up with a growl, lie on his back and make me rub his tummy. I realized that with all the hoo-ha about Sophie being born Warrick suddenly took a back seat to her needs, although we still cuddled him as much as we could and his meals, walks, hygiene and all around care were never neglected. In addition, he isn't a puppy anymore, and acts like a grumpy old man around younger dogs who try to engage him in play. In short, our little Baba is a baba no more.

While I will miss his energy and playfulness, both which show up from time to time, especially when there are guests and when he senses Christian and I are game, I have come to enjoy this cuddly, restful dog. Whenever I would curl up with a good book on my reading chair he would come and rest on my legs. Whenever Christian would be particularly busy on his computer, Warrick would want to jump up and position himself between Christian and his keyboard/laptop.

As I am writing this, Warrick is blending in with the cream rug at my feet, the only way to tell him apart would be to spot his black nose. The same nose that nudges my feet in the morning, the same nose that looks to be smelling flowers when in actuality he is looking for a place to do his business. Ah, the joys of of having Baba in our lives... priceless.

Happy 1st Birthday Sophie, Happy 1st Year as an Adult Me

We just celebrated Sophie's first birthday today with a small dinner with family and friends. It was the first time I made three courses (inclusive of the chocolate birthday cake) for seven people, so while I was tired by the end of it, I was also quite happy to see my little girl so loved by those close to us. I did feel sad that my own family could not be with us today, and I am also weepy that my friends from back home aren't here as well. Still, they are with us through thoughts and prayers, and I am eager to read everyone's email messages for Sophie bear later.

If I think back to this same time last year, I can honestly say that I did not think I would make it one whole year into this child-caring business. For one thing, since Sophie popped out only at 10:35pm, I was too dazed and dog-tired to fully appreciate her birth. It was not until two hours later, when I was allowed to breastfeed her, that I realized I was no longer pregnant. It was not until 15 minutes after that, when she had fallen asleep on my chest, that I realized I was now a mother.

I remember feeling woozy enough to pass out but trying to remain still and strong so that I would not drop this tiny (well, she wasn't that tiny) bundle who relied so much on me. It hit me that I could no longer act the fool, that I could not longer be irresponsible, and that somehow, some way, I had to tone down my irreverence. In that hospital bed, behind the curtain separating me from three other new moms in the ward, I made a promise to Sophie and myself that I would try to be an adult from now on.

One year later, and, I have to admit, it wasn't and isn't easy to hold to that promise. For one thing, right off the bat, she kept me from a decent night's sleep for months on end. She also required round the clock feeding and, since I was breastfeeding, this in turn made me feel like a porn star since I always had to bare to feed her. Sophie also knew the meaning of irony from the age of one week... she would demand feeding, overfill her nappy, need attention, want to do things on her on, all at inopportune times. Still, any time she smiled (which she started doing at two months and the doctors and midwives all agreed it was not gas) was always the perfect time, and anytime she wanted to cuddle was always fine by me.

While I have been going through my own private roller-coaster, the ride with Sophie so far has been nothing short of breathtaking. She makes me laugh when she pretends to cough, when she licks me instead of kisses me, when she points at everything and calls all of God's creatures "duh". She makes me want to hug her when she hoots in disappointment, when she screeches when she is hungry, and when she laughs out loud when she finds something (a lot of things) funny. She also breaks my heart when she lies in bed beside me, holding her bottle with one hand and touching my ear with the other, while I read her a bedtime story.

Her trust in me (for now) is limitless, and I just hope I will always be worthy of that. Sometimes it is hard to be patient and remember that she makes mistakes instead of acts of malicious intent, but the one thing that I always remind myself was the promise I made to her one year ago today. Yes, to love her, yes to protect and support her, but, most of all, to be an adult when raising her and being there for her. Through sickness and health. Through toilet training, boyfriends and beyond.

Happy birthday my baby bear... and happy adult-day to me.

Things I Learned Over the Weekend

I just spend the weekend in Bristol visiting one of my oldest (not in terms of age but in terms of how long we have known each other) friends, Hazel. She was my first friend in Nursery, and it was actually our nannies that brought us together. Hazel and I were then friends throughout grade school and high school, and even made it to the same university, and finally to the same country. I honestly could not have survived the transition to the UK without her friendship, listening ear and guidance. Now that she has moved to Bristol and I have moved to Kronberg, there is a lot of distance to cover, and we managed to do a little bit. It was nice to see her happy and settled, and even nicer to see her so loved by her husband and sons. The weekend was also great for Christian and I as this was our first vacation since moving to Germany, and we picked up a few things to take back home with us to help us relax even when we are not on vacay...

1. Nothing beats a jamming session with a really good singer who can play acoustic guitar AND rap at the same time. Go Bry!

2. A king´s breakfast = hazelnut spread on toast and milk coffee warmed in a microwave!

3. A walk in the park can do wonders for the soul... and a walk in the park without knowing where the path will end (or even if it will) is part of the fun.

4. Winnie the Pooh sheets adds a touch of whimsy and comfort in an otherwise too grown-uppy world.

5. Never chop off a fake deer´s antlers or it will go from looking like a stylish adornment to a raging ghost´s head.

6. Mothercare, M&S, ASDA, BOOTS... some good things in life aren´t free... but WORTH it!

7. It is heart warming to have everyone love the child you love.

8. Laughter is the cure to all sorts of issues.

9. Always keep siomai in the house... always.

10. Friends are never that far in today´s modern world, but physical contact is still VERY important. Hugs can be typed into an email message and said verbally over the phone, but nothing beats the real thing.

Thanks so much Hazel, Ben, Bryan and Carlo!

Ups and Downs

Today has been rocky to begin with...

Up: Got to go to the mall with Sophie, who waved at everyone.

Down: Decided to quit my second round of German lessons because I was not gelling well with the teacher. Might not get a refund. Bummer.

Up: I fit into all the dresses I ordered from Monsoon (London, I miss you)!

Down: Did not find time to study German on my own today.

Up: Christian and I had fun last night when he was quizzing me on my German vocabulary. In particular we laughed when he asked me what word mean a prize when a good deed is done... instead of answering "belohnung" (which means reward) I said "verlobung" which means engagement.

Down: Read that Cheryl Cole will NOT be on the XFactor UK OR US.

Up: Christian bought a bean bag and he, Sophie and I all enjoyed it.

Down: I had to fold all the laundry and re-arrange my closets.

Up: All my closets are now neat and tidy.

Down: Hmmm.... not much else today.

Up: Got a nice email from a close friend that totally reminded me that I do have some good points.

Up: I fit into a dress that I had bought and did not fit into before I got pregnant.

Up: Heading to the UK tomorrow to meet another good friend. Rah! Rah!

I guess the only way is... UP!

I Wish

At a baptism ceremony today, the priest asked everyone present what they wish for the newly baptised baby. I thought that it was a nice, personal touch, not only because it got everyone involved in the ceremony, but it was also a great way to welcome a child into the world. While I am Catholic and declare now that I do believe in God, I am not one for pomp and ceremony, while I feel that private prayer and deeds speak louder to my attributes as a Christian. However, this sharing of wishes made me realize that there is something to having a space and time where the proverbial village can start raising a child.

My wish for Adrian Ralf (also my godson, by the way) was that he would have the courage to dream big, and to be able to fulfil these dreams with the support of the people who love him and through his own will and determination. It is what I wish for Sophie, and for all the children of the world. While they still have in them the wonder and the fearlessness to explore the world, I wish they would be brave and venture further than they ever thought it possible, that they go on to do things that make them stronger and better than the generation before.

Cliché? Probably. But it is what is in my heart. When I look at Sophie touching something new, I see the wonder in her eyes and I wish that she will always look at the world like that. I wish that no matter how many knocks life throws her she will be able to get back up on her feet with the same sparkle in her eyes. When I see her trying to stand on her own or trying to master the stairs in our house with her grunts and wheezes, I wish that she would be as tenacious in working towards any goal she sets for herself. When I look at Sophie sleeping I wish too that I could be a better mother to her, that I could give her the support an room to grow, and that she will one day be able to go off on her own, secure in the knowledge that I will always be there for her no matter what.

My Little Princess

Say hello to my little princess!

The Weather in Faces

"I still notice every twitch of emotion in the faces around me, having learned as a child to read the weather in faces."
- Scott Russell Sanders (Under the Influence)

My German teacher told me last week that I was progressing nicely in class. When I asked her to give me specific points on which I am okay on and which ones I need to improve, she said: "You are fine in understanding because you listen well and try to read the context in addition to learning the words. But you need to improve in communicating so others can read you."

I`ve walked away from that conversation with a crease on my forehead (note to self, botox might be needed after this German course), not just because she said it all in German, but mostly because I thought I WAS communicating. I raise my hand in class, I answer even when I get cold-called on, and I partner up with anyone willing to be saddled with a hysterical beginner for all group assignments. What more SHOULD I be doing in terms of communication?

That night I looked through all my written work and saw that most of the time, I would write about my daughter or my husband or buying new furniture for the house. Of course there were more specific texts on "Why are you learning German" (answer: because I now live in Germany), "Where is your favourite place?" (answer: my daughter´s room), etc, but apart from these the personal glimpses into my life revolved around how cute I thought my daughter was, how funny my husband was and how frustrating furniture shopping is.

After reading all the entries and basically learning nothing new about myself after the first two paragraphs, I finally understood what my teacher was trying to tell me. One of the reasons why I could not use my newly learned vocabulary properly was because I tended to take the easy way out in all the written exercises, either out of laziness or being unwilling to share. The former is more realistic, although I cannot ignore the truth of the latter statement, ironic I know, considering I write this blog.

Still, the truth of the matter is, it is hard for me to share things that are hard for me to share (no, this is not a typo, it is a deliberate redundancy). My mother always berates me for writing about my personal feelings here, sharing it in two sentences on Facebook or posting pictures that are less than flattering. She thinks that if people see you as anything less than perfect, they will think less of you and gossip about you behind your back. My argument to that is, you can never please anyone perfectly, so might as well do what you think is right and will make you and those who matter happy. However, no matter how brave my words are to her, a part of me still holds the inner sanctum of my secrets back from everyone, even including myself at times. This has made it difficult for me to start writing full time even, because inevitably some of my personal life would make it onto the supposedly fictitious story I want to see published someday. Whenever I start one new story after another, I always reach a stopping point when I re-read what I wrote, cringe, and imagine my mom yelling at me for sharing too much.

So why do we hold ourselves back in our journey of self-discovery? Out of habit (I do tend to listen to my mom whether I like it or not)? Out of not wanting to know the problem and to have to think of a solution? Out of not wanting to see the look on others´faces when they know the absolute truth about us? Yes, all of the above, for me. There are times in my life when I feel that I have to put my best foot forward all the time, as if my entire life is one first job interview after another. While I feel I can let my hair down with close friends and (some) family, I still feel the need to clam up in every other situation.

Still, if it is holding me back from learning something, from doing something good for myself or others, then I guess it is time to make an exception and break the cycle. I have to find a balance between ridiculously over-sharing and being a wallflower in the party called life. Now, after getting out and doing, it´s time to admit to myself what it is I am doing, how I feel about it, and putting that into words and putting words to paper. So what if others don´t get it... the magic happens when some of them actually do. I should not be afraid of censure and instead accept and welcome constructive criticism. It´s time to be brave, because regardless of what the forecast may be on people´s faces, it´s time to start working on my life´s general climate change.

Still Want the Easy Way?

My first German course finished last Friday and, while I am feeling sad and nostalgic, I am happy I went through it and made a lot of good friends along the way. There´s nothing like facing a common challenge that binds strangers together in formal and informal language, in different adjective endings and double-connectors, ´til death do us part. We have had a lot of laughs in our little class, and I also ended up meeting some other fun people through the school. While I feel a sense of accomplishment in learning a new language, it is on par with the relief and excitement I feel in having new people to practice it with.

This is especially great for me because since I gave birth to Sophie, I feel like I´ve been living in a little family bubble, only occasionally heading out to meet and greet some family and friends. It was a comfortable - albeit too comfortable - lifestyle, and when we upped and moved to Germany, I was scared because I didn´t want the bubble to burst. I know that a lot of new moms feel the same way, that having a cosy routine in place can be both a blessing and a curse. On one hand, the last thing you want is to have to dress up for a night out with strangers after a long day of nappy changing, feeding, tantrums, etc. On the other hand, having only your baby, husband, and, if you´re lucky, other frustrated moms for company does make you wonder if you´ve lost that little bit of yourself and become a slave to routine.

When we were in London it was easier to go out because I would have friends basically pushing me out the door or coming over to visit (massive THANK YOU for not allowing me to turn into a couch potato). Work also helped me get out of bed everyday in spite of the juggling act that would take place during the day: baby, work, me, baby, baby, work, work, work, house, husband. Being forced to talk to other people, to email colleagues and issue reports, it really brought me out of my maternity leave comfort zone and forced me out into the "real world" again. Likewise, going to school, meeting new friends, doing homework... all to learn a new skill, made me realize the real world has more than its share of perks.

While everything good comes with a price, it is the hard work that you put into it that makes the good thing worth so much more. I´m glad I persevered and stuck to the lessons, that I allowed one teacher to talk me into staying in the advanced class. I guess since the birth I´ve wondered when I could finally take it easy, but the rewards I am getting out of this experience makes me question whether I will want anything "the easy way" ever again.

Sophie´s Room

Sophie´s room was actually the first space my husband and I finished decorating in our new house. We had just moved to Germany in January of this year, and when we saw the size of what would be Sophie´s room, we instantly started thinking of how to decorate. Easily the biggest room in the house, it was made more spectacular with its floor to ceiling windows, allowing an unrestricted view of the garden the old owner had landscaped against a hill. With this good a foundation to work with, my husband and I created a warm, cosy den for our little baby bear.

One of the first things we did that dictated the entire look of the room was to put up really colourful wallpaper, of a lot of woodland birds in every primary shade. We reasoned that aside from being decorative, it would be helpful for Sophie´s development as primary colours are what children see best (next to black and white, however a chess board theme for a baby´s room was not unanimously approved). The branches the birds were on could easily be in one of the many forests Germany has, and the woodsy atmosphere helped add a natural feel. All the furniture we put up were white (except for the crib and sofa bed) and, with a cream carpet, it was sure to make the room as bright and as cheery as possible. Other little touches that we was a red canvas toy chest that kept all of Sophie´s stuffed animals safe, and a small humidifier/night light in the shape of a Smurf´s house. While we did not want an overly cute room, we still wanted a child to feel safe and cuddled, and to feel free to be a child.

I think we achieved this because every time I am in her room I feel like I am being warmed by a ray of sunshine, no matter how gloomy my day is. Even when I am in there cleaning by myself, I feel very hesitant to leave. To do so would mean to leave behind the smell of spring and all its freshness, to stop feeling a light breeze coming through an open window, to stop enjoying the taste of marshmallows in your mouth (for me marshmallows taste like sweet but not too sweet clouds, and I think marshmallows can taste like anything you want them to be). If Sophie´s room could have a soundtrack, it would sound like the background music people hear in spas on a bad day, and a forest full of happy animals and swaying leaves on a good day.

So far Sophie enjoys her room, although it does not stop her from crawling out of the door the minute she sees an opening. Still, I hope she will come to feel that no matter how fast or how far she goes away from it, she will always be able to come back and feel like she had never left.

Update on My Resolutions

So, moving right along to accomplishing some goals, I thought I´d give an update as to what I have done so far:

1. Learn German (more of a necessity than a want, I must admit, but still something I would like to do) - going to continue studying at the Goethe-Institute for another two months, albeit at a scaled down schedule (i.e., three times a week and not every day).

2. Lose A LOT of weight - I had a doughnut today, so I guess this is still a big TO DO.

3. Improve photography skills - Not started

4. Attend a creative writing class - Not started although I started writing short stories again.

5. Start my own online business - Not fully started

6. Dye my hair bright red (while I am not working and do not have to be presentable)- Done, and had a haircut while I was at it.

7. Start writing a book or short stories - yep, see above

8. Learn German cuisine (das Schnitzel... yum!) - I´ve made it a point to try the Frankfurted Schnitzel with Green sauce, does this count?!

9. Cook and bake more... who knew I had it in me? - Made pasta salad for a friend´s barbeque and will bake more for class next week.

10.Learn gardening - Not started

Funny Times In Deutschland

Me (after hitting a man on the train accidentally): Tut mir leid! Enshuldingung Sie mich. (I am so sorry, excuse me, please.)

Man: Ah, ist nicht so schlimm (oh, it´s not too bad).

Me (misunderstanding the word "schlimm"): Um... danke, aber bin ich fett! (Um, thanks, but I know I´m fat!)

Monday

Weekend´s gone, Monday´s here
The sound of the alarm in my ear
First action of the day, stretching loose
Second action of the day, hitting snooze

Old Dog, New Tricks

All the private and semi-private education in the world cannot prepare you for parenthood, no matter how many useless/ful home economics classes get thrown in the mix. For instance, as a new mom, I had to learn:

1. How to work baby gates (gates of Hades more like)
2. How to build baby furniture (smaller does not mean easier, people!)
3. How to ensure the person on the phone is getting your full attention while making sure your baby does not eat the dog´s ball at the same time
4. Remembering to keep a supply of water and milk available at all times, you will never know what your baby might be in the mood for
5. Remembering to keep all things small and shiny away from tiny, grabby hands
6. How to strap and unstrap my baby from her car seat, her stroller, her baby chair, her sling, myself...
7. How to juggle opening and folding a stroller to fit into the trunk of a car while holding a squirming infant who clearly does not want to be held
8. Remembering to pack a weekend´s worth of baby clothes for one outing just in case some little not so cute accident happens
9. Remembering to introduce my husband as the "love of my life" and not "the guy who dragged me into this mess"
10. How to say no in a stern voice without smiling when my baby bites the spoon that´s feeding her and won´t let go
11. How to undress, shower, shampoo, dry off, dress, brush my teeth and comb my hair in the space of 5 minutes, just in case the baby might wake up and need me
12. How to change nappies without leaving the baby´s bottom uncovered for more than 5 seconds in anticipation of a really wet (or worse) accident

Things I Want to do in Germany

I have found myself becoming listless (Christian used that word as well) since arriving in Germany. To go from a travelling auditor to a stay-at-home-mom-slash-student has really thrown me. Some days I feel like one of the luckiest girls in the world, some days I feel as though there is something more I should be doing. This, I have learned thanks to online articles and talking to new friends in the same boat, is part and parcel of being a Trailing Spouse.

The trailing spouse syndrome is not a new thing, in fact the term has been around since the 80s when couples and even families were getting more and more mobile as work became more and more global. There is even a trailing spouse group I am a part of in the english speaking community of Frankfurt. Almost all of those who join are women, some mothers, who have given up what we term as "our individuality" to make life with hubby and family work.

While all the support helps,it was while researching the phenomenon more to get a deeper understanding of what I was going through that I cam across an article on "trailing spouses." It said that one way to have more focus amidst all the changes going on is to make a list of all the things one can do as a continued hobby or interest, or something new that one can only do in the new city or country one is in.

So, in the spirit of taking experimentation, here is my list so far...

1. Learn German (more of a necessity than a want, I must admit, but still something I would like to do)
2. Lose A LOT of weight
3. Improve photography skills
4. Attend a creative writing class
5. Start my own online business
6. Dye my hair bright red (while I am not working and do not have to be presentable)
7. Start writing a book or short stories
8. Learn German cuisine (das Schnitzel... yum!)
9. Cook and bake more... who knew I had it in me?
10.Learn gardening

Who can say if I will be able to realize all these goals but, hey, a start is a start!

Love Ya Sophie Soph

you were a tiny thing
staring at me from
a computer screen
even then i knew
that life would change
when i had you

with a look around
you had me spinning
high off the ground
when you held my hand
my heart stopped
then started again

who am i to say
if an angel will
love me anyway
but there's nothing to
stop me from
always loving you

Sophie's Song (well, one of them)

Sophie bear you're my bear
You're my bear bear everywhere
With a bear bear bear bear
Bear bear bear bear bear
Sophie bear my Sophie bear

(sung to the tune of THIS OLD MAN)

Really?!

Is Friday by Roberta Black considered music?!

Alive and....

Kicking... It's been two weeks now since my German classes started and, while I would like to say that it is a breeze and that I am learning so much and meeting a lot of great people... well, let's just say two out of three ain't bad.

Here's a background. There are six internationally recognized levels when it comes to learning a language. A1 and A2 discuss the basics, which enable you to have a minimum capability for conversation. B1 goes into more dedicated grammar and text, and B2 allows you to cover topics that will enable you to work in that language. C1 and C2 go on to further hone the mastery of the language and, in time, maybe allow you to publish and/teach in that language as well. A test is administered when you enroll so you are evaluated and placed in your level of capability correctly.

By some fluke, maybe because I chose the letter C out of all the multiple choice answers for the last 15 questions (I kid, I kid), I managed to score high enough to make people think I belonged in the B1 class. For those of you who are shrugging and asking what the big deal is, this is the big deal:

1. I have never spoken more than two sentences in German. Ever. Ask my husband and his family and friends.

2. My husband is too much of an intellectual-in-a-hurry to be able to teach me grammar properly. He is ace at pronounciation though, so my teacher says. After all, he did teach me how to say "ich" ("like a snake, like a snake, ihhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh").

3. I have always struggled with the idea of having to learn another language so late in my life, where I thought I would have no major use for it (this was obviously before I upped and moved to Germany for love, or whatever it is that makes the brain stop being logical).

So, that said, here I was, on the first day of class, being called to attention in German. In B1 and onwards, no English conversation is allowed inside the classroom. The teachers, tutors, learners and even the people from other classes are warned not to converse in any other language aside from German. Henceforth, all questions I had were phrased in German and, what's worse, all the answers back are in German. One such (long) conversation between myself and the teacher were as follows (translated into English):

Julie: Excuse me, what is the meaning of that word x?
Teacher: X means (and lets loose a string of German words I am unable to translate).
Julie: (picking up on a word that teacher used to explain the first word) Excuse me, but what does that word Y mean?

It was a good thing (and still is) that our teacher has the patience of a saint, otherwise she would have opened the sturdy German windows fully and slung me out. It wasn't helpful, however, having two classmates in class who were obviously at a higher level practically, but who had scored too low on the test. Our first week revolved around the two of them answering the questions they were already familiar with. By the second week, their chairs were empty and we learned that they had moved onwards and upwards to B2. Good riddance!

So now I am in class, from 9 to 1230 (with a 30 minute break in between to drinks tons of coffee, refill water bottles or commit hari-kiri), with an afternoon tutorial session that lasts just as long. We are given tons of homework for grammar purposes, and each day we are required to either interview someone or write about a part of our lives and present the text in class the next day MEMORIZED. Suddenly, at 33, with a husband and one nine month old daughter, I was suddenly back in show-and-tell mode.

Still, looking on the bright sides... I am lucky to be in a position to learn something new, especially when it is something as old and inherently complete as the German language. I also consider myself grateful that at this time in my life I am able to slow down and look at life from a different perspective... not everyone can do that so late in the day, maybe not even me.

But it is not for want of trying or, as my first thought goes at the beginning of each day, "It beats going to the gym."

Back to School Specials

I've just finished my first week in intensive German classes and all I can say (for the moment)is a big, whooping, "WHEW." It really has been an very busy week, what with daily three hour classes and another three hour afternoon tutorial sessions. To top it off there was homework, and lots of it. In all classes (and as much as possible in the tutorials) using any other language other than German to ask questions and get your point across is discouraged, so the first day was trying, to say the least. Whenever I had a question on what a word meant, I had to be able to ask for an explanation in German and I had to have my dictionary ready in case I couldn't understand the explanation either!

Still, intensive does mean intensive so I cannot complain. In fact, I do not think I am in the mood to complain because (aside from being too tired) for the first time since Sophie was born, this is a new activity that I feel challenged by. To be honest, it is probably one of the make or break experiences that will determine whether or not Germany is the place for me (of course I have to take into consideration that it is the best place for Christian at the moment). So far I am taking everything in stride and putting the work in. Obviously I will have to get over the fear of sounding stupid and try to speak a few sentences here and there. Christian is helping immensely through encouragement (especially after the first day) and forcing me to work and practice.

I am hoping that I get into the language more, because it really is very expressive (if at times too rule bound to play around with or too illogical to understand). Cross fingers for me, please, and watch this space!

I'm More Atari

"Yeah I'm sorry, I can't afford a Ferrari,
But that don't mean I can't get you there.
I guess he's an Xbox and I'm more Atari,
But the way you play your game ain't fair."
- From "F*ck You" by Cee-Lo Green

I have always tried to stay in the loop of what's outs there, what's new and, now that I am a mother, what's "cool" for kids nowadays. It's important for me to keep an open mind about music, clothes, technology, etc, otherwise it is harder to survive in today's ever-changing world. So far I have succeeded in embracing then denouncing then embracing Britney Spears, and I have also accepted that viral is the only way to go nowadays.

Still, it's slow going somedays, what with me not understanding why Roberta Black singing "(Fried Egg) Fridays" is cool, and why she feels the need to make an acoustic version of the damned song. I have never understood the "so bad it's good" saying and I have yet to come across a situation when I can aptly use the phrase.

If this means I am turning into an old grandma, so be it. Better to be an Atari than a tone-deaf and non-discriminating music lover.

Two Mags and a Lad

I am sooooo happy my tabloid subscriptions started coming in (I know, trashy mags are my guilty pleasure). I am soooo ecstatic my hubby is starting to get into a fitness routine that makes him relaxed when he is at home.

I Whip My Hair

Willow Smith, 10 years old and full of wisdom. When asked on Oprah what the real meaning of her song, "Whip My Hair" was about, she answered with all the swagger in the world: It means being yourself and not caring what other people think or say about you. Sure, it's taken her just ten years (and two famous yet, in all likelihood, amazing parents) to figure all this out, but this is something that has taken me a good twenty-five years to discover for myself.

Growing up in a small, highly traditional community surrounded by people who were categorized by my parents as either good or bad for me, with nothing in between, it was hard to find my own way. The first truly rebellious act that I did was to dye my hair in streaks of blonde at the hairdressers, and convince my mom to pay for it as it would wash out clean the next day. When it so obviously didn't, and there was nothing she could do (to force me to dye it black would only destroy the hair follicle more), I learned the subtle art of figuring out who I was, piece by piece.

I became less "them" and more "me" when I decided I wanted to work abroad and did a tour of Southeast Asia in the process. I shocked my mom by living on my own above a nightclub in Singapore (which was fun but noisy). I went places by myself on weekends. I rented an apartment with a friend when I was in the US and my dad nearly blew a gasket when he found out I didn't ask his permission first (note that the apartment was just across the street from the dormitory he dropped me off in).

Of course the biggest thing I ever did was to ignore the common Chinese thinking of "following your heart", and while I still do not know where this road will take me, I must say each day on this trip makes me more secure in myself. It helps me recognize what exactly I am capable of, and it helps me recognize choices that weren't a possibility before, in my secure little bubble.

I guess getting to know yourself and following your heart just about sums up what everyone has to do in order to live a full life and truly be happy. It's something I would want to continue doing, what I wish my daughter will be able to do and what I hope everyone I know gets to achieve before they think it is too late. Small words but tall order, which is why it is amazing that a 10 year old sums it up in a truly catchy way.

Altogether now:
"Don't let haters keep me off my grind
Keep my head up i know I'll be fine
Keep fighting until i get there
When i'm down and i feel like giving up i think again
I whip my hair back and forth"

Soothing Through the Familiar

We just managed to get the satellite connection up and running today, and it was a great treat to have some English channels available. Sometimes I think the move here has been a little too recent for me to really settle in properly, and of course having the comforts of the old home may not be helping, but they are comforts nonetheless. It was hilarious watching Gok Wan and his zany personality and incredible fashion sense, it was heart warming to see the winner of The Biggest Loser (UK), and it was oh so wonderful to be able to watch CSI:Miami again (although my favourite is CSI:NY).

There's something about being surrounded by the language you communicate best in while trying to fit into an area where you need to learn a new language to fit in, do business, get about your daily life. While language experts argue this might be a hindrance to learning the new vernacular, for me it serves as a security blanket. Right now I feel like a dead weight to Christian as he has to explain even the simplest eBay posting, so to hear something and watch something I can understand without any help is a treat. A great relief even.

I know that tomorrow I will have to throw myself into another unfamiliar situation, and of course it will always be intriguing to learn something new. However, for tonight, it was nice to be around something I already know and know I enjoy.

This is My Confession

Time for a harsh realization. I am not the person I once was.

Obviously there is the physical aspect: I had a baby, I ate in a lot of restaurants for work and I no longer get carded at bars and clubs. While I (was forced to) enjoy the changes, it is hell trying to undo the damage of eight years of bodily neglect. For one thing, I have to work on having the discipline to stick to a healthy routine of eating right and working hard. For another, I have to remember that Rome was not built in a day, so I should not expect to be a size 10 in the next week.

However, the physical metamorphosis aside, what I am more bothered about (and this is saying a lot because anyone who knows me know that I am vain about my looks) is the shifting of an inherent part of my personality. The crux of the matter is this: I am not as fearless as I once was.

Growing up as the only girl, I have always been known to speak my mind, whether I was in the right of things or not, whether people listened or not. Moving to the US and Europe has only heightened this sense of being honest no matter what the cost, being direct in order to be understood clearly where language is a barrier, being tougher instead of being taken for a ride. I have also used the same principles and determination to tackle anything and everything I thought would make me a more well-rounded person (hence the need to diet and exercise... good joke?), from joining the dance troupe when it was clear I had two left feet to joining the swim team when I looked more like the buoy than a swimmer.

I took on these challenges because I thought, at that time, if I don´t try, how will I know if I will succeed or fail? It was the not knowing part, the potentially having regrets part that spurred me to try everything at least once. To be able to say I had done it, to be able to make a judgement call if something was truly worth it or not. This was the same incentive I had when I accepted an overseas job, the same feeling in my chest when I decided to fall in love away from what I knew as home.

However, nowadays, I find myself hesitant about trying something new. I also find myself holding back from working on something I always thought I would enjoy. Like starting a kids´clothing business, like writing a book, or like going back to school and learning a new language. Some days I mislabel the fear and call it a lack of enthusiasm or energy, and explain to myself that of course I do not have the inclination to start something new since Sophie/Warrick/Christian/the house/unpacking/settling in/the former job had to take priority and all my energy. Other days I just choose to completely ignore that side of me that clamours for some new distraction to ease the comfortable pattern I call life at the moment.

It´s times like this, when I have ten minutes to myself because the house has quieted down and everyone is in their respective beds but me, that I wish I could be more energetic, that I could find more energy reserves, that I could, to quote the title of a book, face the fear (of what, exactly?) and do it anyway. Maybe I get too scared of losing time, effort and money? Or am I just plain scared of the hard work involved?

It may be a complex mixture of anxieties that I will never be able to figure out in their correct proportion, nor would I want to waste time trying. Suffice to say that something was snuffed out in me along the way from high school to now, and that something may have been the Carpe Diem spirit that had served me and my (false) confidence so well in the past.

Still, knowing is half the battle, according to G.I.Joe cartoons, so this confession can´t be all bad, right? Besides, fears can be conquered, one day at a time, which is a faster rate than most weight loss plans guarantee anyway. Perhaps if I am more patient with myself and more realistic about what levels I want to achieve, indeed if I can set levels in the first place, I should be able to face each scary new thing in a different perspective. Much like a puzzle, once I can figure out the edges, group the colours and refer to the box once in a while, I should be able to piece together bits of what would make a nice, well-rounded life. Eventually.

The important thing is to not lie to myself anymore and to admit that the one thing holding me back is, granted a big thing, but it is just me. And, at the end of the day, I too am what matters, so nothing should stand in my way of self-improvement and fulfilment, not even myself.

SATC

I miss my girl friends. There is nothing like a good chat about everything and anything that makes me feel like all the wrinkles in my life can be ironed away and I can (shoop shoop) exhale.

Being Cuddly

I´ve just put Sophie to sleep. The poor little thing has a cold (snotty nose, runny as a soft boiled egg) so it was tough for her to get in a comfortable position where she could breathe easily. We put saline drops into her nose (she did not appreciate our efforts) and put her in a cosy sleeping bag, but I am quite sure she will still wake up in the middle of the night.

Whenever she does this, one of us gets out of bed, trundles along to her room to see what she needs. Most often it is a drink of water or milk, depending on how much she ate for dinner. Some times she needs additional rocking for her to get sleepy again. Once in a while, it is a change of nappy, particularly on days when she has drunk enough milk to fill a tub for Cleopatra´s bath. Once she has gotten what she wants, we put her back down into her bed, tell her we love her (maybe not at that moment, but generally speaking) and kiss her goodnight. She lets out a few cries, then drifts off on her own to sleep.

One night, not too long ago, however, was different. I got out of bed to see what she needed, and she was standing up in her crib, happily screeching to herself as she jumped up and down while holding onto the teething rail. Considering she was wearing a sleeping sack (think blanket type material shaped like a potato sack where the baby is strapped into), she managed to do a couple of jumps before she slipped inside the sack and had to hold on for dear life to the railing. Once she turned and saw me as I entered, she let out a happy little squeal and gave me the biggest smile I have ever seen her make.

Now every book on babies and toddlers will tell you not to engage them when they wake up and to instead be efficient and put them right back to sleep as soon as possible. However, given that super watt smile, I couldn´t help but smile back. Big mistake.Once Sophie knew I was in the mood to indulge her, she started jumping up and down again, screeching to be let out for a bit of play. It seemed that her long day nap made her restless - and not likely to sleep again anytime soon.

Biting back my laughter, I picked her up and calmly settled her into prime cuddling position (her head on my right arm, with her right thumb in her mouth and her left arm down by her side). Noting that I was ignoring her request for action, Sophie arched backwards, raised her right arm as if to slap me, screeched loudly and jiggled her entire body up and down... several times. It took all the concentration I had to hold her in place with enough force to let her know who was boss, but still gentle enough not to snap her in two. After a little while she calmed down and began thumbsucking again, and I used the opportunity to bring her closer to me. I leaned over and gave her a light kiss on the forehead.

Then, something unbearably cute happened. She completely relaxed in my arms, popped her thumb out of her mouth, let out a sigh, lifted her head and looked me in the eye. Before I could pull back from my kiss, she let her right palm tap my cheek lightly as she slowly closed her eyes and started breathing heavily. Even as she began to fall asleep, she still continued patting my cheek, as if to reassure herself that I was still there... or to reassure me that she was still there.

My first impulse was to take a video (I am Asian, after all). My second impulse was what I followed: I closed my eyes, thought "I love you" in my head, and just enjoyed the cuddle. There´s something so completely relaxing about sleepy time with a real life teddy bear who feels so completely warm and soft in one´s arms. As Sophie´s pats got weaker and before they stopped completely, I gave her another kiss, rocked my way to her bed, and gently lowered her in. I could have spent the entire night by her side just looking down at her but I knew that there was tomorrow...

And tomorrow would bring another lesson in the importance of being cuddly.

Funny Times in Deutschland, part one of many

Julie (at the Deutsche Post stationery store): Entschuldigung, sprechen Sie Englisch? Meine Deutsch is nicht so gut (excuse me, do you speak English? My German is not so good).

Clerk: Yes?

Julie: Do you sell any hole punchers (proceeds to demonstrate how a hole puncher works by holding the left hand out, palm up and making a fist with the right hand while simultaneously bringing it down beside the left palm)?

Clerk: A hole puncher, like this (proceeds to make the same motions with his hands)?

Julie: Yes.

Clerk: A hole puncher, a hole puncher, a hole puncher....

Julie: Yes.

Clerk: Ah so.... you will not get that here.

Julie: Oh (taken aback and trying not to show it). But I want to buy it, how much is it?

Clerk: No, you will not get that here.

Julie: Ohhh....kay....(looking confused at first then narrowing her eyes in near anger) and why can´t I get that?

Clerk: Oh... (looking for words and wondering why the Chinese girl in front of him is turning red so he turns red himself). It is not here. You cannot get that here.

Julie (through gritted teeth)Did someone take all the stock?

Clerk: No, no one gets that here.

Julie (slowly beginning to understand): Oh, so you do not sell it?

Clerk (relieved that the slow customer finally understands him): Ja, genau (yes, exactly).

Julie: Oh, okay. (Sheepishly) Sorry for bothering you!

Clerk: No problem, please come again for anything else but that.

Julie (hopefully): I WAS looking for paper clips, the black ones that hold a lot of paper.

Clerk: You cannot get that here.

Julie: Got it.

Clerk: No, you cannot. No one can get that here.

Julie: I mean, Ich verstehe (I understand). Danke! (leaves rapidly... very rapidly).

Reflections Upon Turning 33

1. It doesn´t matter what you are doing, it who you are doing it with that makes it worthwhile.

2. My husband makes me smile just by entering the room and saying Chica.

3. I miss my family back home.

4. What doesn´t kill you will age you exponentially.

5. Never start an anti-ageing regime just because a salesperson bullies you in the mall. If she points out your wrinkles, return the favour and point out her air of desperation.

6. Packing is never fun, but the anticipation of a new adventure is.

7. Love means never having to pass wind in a separate room from your loved one.

8. Seeing your child trying to stand and walk is priceless, and all those other credit card commercial sentiments.

9. Keeping calm during a driving test is useless unless you remember that the speed limit is not the minimum allowable. And amber lights mean "stop" and not "go unless otherwise warned".

10. Life is made up of the good, the bad, and the truly memorable. And they all lead into each other. And I wouldn´t be the person I am now if not for all of those things.

Here´s to a great year ahead!

Jet Lagged

This is going to be a short entry... Who said the holidays could end so soon? And be held hostage by a cough and jet lag on top of it all? Boo!!!!!!!!