Who Knew?

"If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch their mouths
'Cause they're all wrong"

- Pink's "Who Knew"

A lot can happen in a year's time. A lot more can happen in three year's time. If I just stand still and think about it, the events of the last three years have done more to mold my emotional state that anything else in my life combined:

1. Became a manager and fired someone - since I was little, my dad advised me to have a plan for my life. He said milestones would help ensure I was on the right track and would minimise distractions. One of my big steps was to become a manager - not in title but in responsibility - by 30. For a big company. With a corresponding glamorous lifestyle. Bingo. I got to lead a team and travel the world for not one, but two multinational companies.

What I also got, aside from a sense of achievement, was a sense that I had to continue earning my position. My worst critics were not the clients I had to service but the team I had to mentor and encourage. I learned the hard way how to let people go, good people but not-on-par performers, people I have come to know as friends. Some might say I am exaggerating when I liken firing someone to a heartbreak, but the emotions are very closely related. The last minute - "can't we work this out", "it's me not you", "we're not a good fit", "we were better before" - is the same. The guilt is the same. The aftermath attacks of "what ifs" is even worse.

2. Big fight with parents and disagreement with family - since Christmas 2004 I've had a lot of grief from my family for deciding to stay in London and work from here. Oh, and date a German. Needless to say I gave them a lot of grief back. It was ironic because I never thought I would be the one to "break the rules" and was in fact sure that I would marry a nice Chinese guy, eventually work for my dad, and settle down somewhere in Manila. What happened was, after two tries to get to the US to study (the first time was when I got accepted into Notre Dame University), my dad finally spurred me on my second try due to the lack of peace and quiet in Manila. Whatever the cause, I found myself alone, independent, and strangely, loving it.

It wasn't so much that I loved the freedom (of course I did), I loved the new adventures I don't think I would have had if I had stayed at home. This realization was what made me stay in Europe - I wanted more of these kinds of experiences. Granted, love played a huge part as well - it IS one of life's greatest experiences after all. Cheers, Chris!

3. Warrick - okay, so a dog doesn't seem like such a big deal to most people but, to dog lovers and to couples who have tried to have a dog together, you know what I'm talking about. To have such a little thing completely dependent on you - that part is similar to having a child. Everything else, well... you clean up after them, you play with them, you have to love them even when they crap all over the carpet and wee when they are excited to see you... some call it preparation for the real thing (raising a child) but I think loving Warrick is the real thing in itself for me. I've always wanted a dog to call my own and suddenly, there he was. All fur and four paws of him. And the funny thing is - he also made me his.

4. Marriage, reconciliation - following the fall-out from my family came this overwhelming support and love from them when Christian and I decided to tie the knot. Maybe they realized they had to accept the inevitable, maybe they were, like me, tired of fighting something we didn't really have to fight about. Whatever the reason the end result was the same. A magical moment made all the more precious by love.

That day there were roses, good food, fun dancing, laughter, tears... another one of the great experiences I could relive over and over again. Obviously that's just the wedding. Marriage is another thing altogether that gives more trials but ultimately bigger rewards. I still cannot believe I have this wonderful man beside me to call my husband - he is the one who best understands me and who tries to take care of me no matter how bad my breath is in the morning. It's a hard measure to live up to but at least I can spend the rest of my life trying...

4. Pregnancy, birth, painpainpainpainpain - I've yet to write about the pregnancy months and the birth... watch this space as it is still to painful for me to put into words without cringing. For the moment, I will say this - I'm still glad I went through it because the light at the end of the tunnel was bright and warm indeed.

Who knew it would be like this?